I never wanted to be an addict. I don't think any of us do. One day you think you are normal, living a normal life, and then one day there is concrete proof that you are not.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Check out my MySpace page...

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See you all there!!!!

xoxoxoxooxo

Lynn

123 comments:

Sandman said...

Lynn, you're amazing. If only I had whatever you have in inner strength it might have saved me 25 years of despair. I'm only up to page 214 of your book and I feel as if I know you. I live in Jackson Heights, NY and we may have past on the street, both in our own private hell. I don't know what to say except I'm an older guy (47) and have drank and druged my way through 25 years. The pain is the same, the lonliness of addiction is the same. Lynn, I'm telling you the truth that all my friends have died from drug related deaths. The worst was when my girlfriend who needed a liver transplant died. It was one day before her 40th birthday. I came home from work in the afternoon and she had gone into a coma. She died 16 days later without me ever having the chance to say goodbye. We were clean and sober, life finally looked great. No, more than great. We were planing on finally getting married after a decade of being true soulmates. The night before the coma she and I went shopping, took a drive and had a great time. I miss her more than anything and if this will wake just one person up to the damage that drugs will do it was worth telling. When I picked up my first drug which was pot I laughed at the junkies and "addicts" but addiction is the sneakiest disease in this world. It tells you that everything is great and once a person gets into any drug they put themselves in a dangerous position. Pot brings people into a culture that offers other "highs" and once addiction grabs you, you don't even know it. I NEVER dreamed of doing hard drugs but I ended up shooting $160 of heroin every day and banged out 20 credit cards, two trust funds, bonds and my paycheck and all this time I was in the deepest pain and didn't know how to stop. I've been through over 80, yes, 80 detox's, rehabs and crisis centers but didn't hit rock bottom until I lost everything. "FREEDOM'S JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE" in the song "Me and Bobby McGee" came into my mind when you spoke about a similar verse in "the fight Club." and ain't it so! Today I keep looking forward but I still can't shake the pain of my girlfriend's death. God, if ANYONE thinks that they can't go deeper down with drugs, listen to people who have been there! I thought the same and I bet I'm no different than you. Well, Lynn, I truely love you as a person. We share a horror story called addiction. I'm going to read your book tonight and say a prayer for you, me, and that kid standing on line to buy his first drug. Thank you for who you are and God bless your Mother and my Mother for they are truely our Guardian Angels.

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PlayboyMommy said...

Lynn, I just read your book and it gave me chills. I've been through the majority of what you talked about in your book and I can totally relate. Because of drugs I now have a criminal record...I grew up the "good girl" I was the first in my family to graduate high school and the first to go to college. I even maintained a 4.0 gpa when I was in college. All the while I was devouring as many hardcore drugs as I could get my hands on. I've done them all and I've done lots of them, but I always stayed in control. I began selling coke and made lots of money doing it. I stopped after about a year because my dealer got busted and a friend asked me to do him a favor several months after I had gotten myself out of the game. I needed the cash so I did it and in the process I got pulled over and got caught with a half oz of coke. I got charged with possesion with intent to distribute of cocaine. I went to court about a year later and I was told that I could expect to get 7 months in jail. I was sentenced to 20 years and all except 4 weekends were suspended and I also was put on 2 years of probation. I got off incredibly lucky. I have two children and just the thought of being away from my beautiful boys because of something SOOOOO STUPID like drugs makes me fucking sick. I no longer do drugs/sell drugs/ or involve myself with them. I came too close to losing everything because of them and I don't ever want to go through that or put my family through that again.
I admire your strength and honesty and rawness in your book. I felt like I knew you while i was reading it...You have came back from hell and hopefully by other people reading this you can save them before they take themselves there too.
I did wonder if you and Mason ended up staying together. You never did elaborate in the book, but he seemed like such a sweet guy...I just hope that he was able to get himself straight like you were. If you would like to email me back my email is playboymommy@gmail.com
Lots of luck in life and everything that you do!
Amber

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